Dear Cable Customers of Planet Earth,
How many times a day does your cable service enrage you?
How many times a week do you have to manually restart your cable box by literally unplugging it as if it's 1996 and your Super Nintendo just froze? I average about 3 pulls per week. Normal, right?
When you pay for services like DVR, on average, how many shows does your DVR successfully record? 2 out of 5? How many times is the show you recorded just a giant blank black screen of death?
Do you pay a "service fee" to rent your remotes? If you do, would you say that the remotes are the epitome of a giant pile of feces that you might have the displeasure of stepping in with your new heels? Do the buttons on your remote get stuck, unresponsive, and require you to apply pressure equivalent to a choke-hold in order to raise the volume to level 17?
When you're leisurely watching a new episode of mind-bending programming like the Bachelor, and enjoying a good chuckle at an inebriated woman wearing a wedding dress upon her first time meeting a true Southern gentlemen, does your cable box decide it's time to restart? Does that restart set-off an endless loop of restarts that can only be stopped after you violently mutter under your breath and unplug then re-plug the cable box several hundred times?
When you call customer service to tell them about your plot to overtake them during a Les Miserables-esque barricade takeover if they don't lower your bill, do they offer you a useless land line that will ONLY raise your bill 5.99 a month?
How many times a week would you say you contemplate tossing all your
cable boxes out the window while shrilly laughing like a maniac as you
prance around your living room shouting rain chants?
REALLY... HOW MANY?! HOW MANY TIMES!? TELL ME, PLEASE.
Crazed Cable Subscriber
P.S. Welcome to New York...where Time Warner Cable RUINS lives. Can my building get hooked up for Fios already- please???